screaming in the bathroom

It has been a tough week in more ways than one. Tim and I went to my dad for wisdom more than either of us realized and now that he's gone, we find ourselves flumuxed (sp?) over who now? Who can we ask now? Dad knew a lot about a lot.

I'm not really into sighing over cyberspace, but it seems to fit here. Sigh.

Kicking this cold is taking longer than usual. Busy schedule and busy boys don't help, but that's life in fast lane.

My almost empty Nutella jar has become my new best friend. I am too "blah" to actually call a real friend, no one wants a Debbie Downer, thus the new bond with my sweet and always satisfying friend, Nutella. She may be sweet at the get-go, but somewhere along the line, she turns into a nasty, wicked little thing that hangs on for dear life when you really want to fit into your skinny jeans.

(side note: for the record, I DO NOT actually own skinny jeans. guess that's how I know I am getting older. i don't care how popular they are. they don't look good on most people. not caving on this one, folks.)

My hips can't take it anymore though, it's time to call in re-inforcements. Or is it? I am not very good at asking for help. Chances are, neither are you. Cussing isn't helping any, I've already tried that. And I gave up smoking. So what else ya got?

I can't go running back to my dirty little mistress, plus she's almost gone and I am not buying anymore (for the kids, of course) until she goes on sale again at Costco. Stress eating is over-rated. Not that it's stopped me, but hey, I'm trying.

So now what? As a mom and a wife, I set the tone in my home and want it to be a pleasing tone. Pleasing to my husband, when he comes home from work, and most of all, pleasing to the Lord. So what do I do when I'm in a funk?

Well, the other day, this is what worked for me.

"God! Have mercy on me, Son of David!!!" (literally SCREAMED from behind a locked bathroom door.)

This little prayer has kind of become my go-to prayer in recent years. It works well for me when I no longer have the words to pray, the patience to pray in tongues, or the grace to speak in a normal tone. If you're gonna be screaming in the bathroom, you need a prayer that's up to the task.

And you know what, God provides. When I prayed this the other day, I was overcome with peace. I'm not gonna lie, it didn't last for as long as I was hoping, but it did come.

Because He is faithful.

And He remembers that we are but dust.

Life is hard sometimes. It feels really hard right now. I don't really know why you want to read about my life that feels hard, but since you did, I pray you find some hope, especially if your life feels hard right now too.

I don't always feel the hope, but I know its there.

God can handle it when we are screaming in the bathroom, make no mistake. I'm frail. He knows I'm frail. And man, in those moments, I really KNOW I'm frail. I'm not proud of those moments, but they're real and they happen. And at least my God is big enough to handle them.

Be blessed.