FQF - You can learn a lot from a 3 yr. old

One of my favorite things about parenting is when your kiddos are old enough to start saying crazy (awesome) stuff. They say the funniest things sometimes. And sometimes they say the wisest thing I hear all day.

About 2 years ago, I was praying with Jackson to heal some little owie of his. He probably spend longer convincing me to pray for this invisible owie then we spent actually praying for it. I prayed for him and when I finished, he puts his hand on my arm, catches his breath, cocks his little head to the side and says

"Mama, I hear Jesus running to heal me!"

Such childlike faith. 

Love.It.So.Much.

Right on, little man, right on.

Happy Friday, enjoy your weekend!

Preethi

We just celebrated her first birthday. Only it’s not what you’re thinking, it wasn’t a joyous day. There was no party, no cake, no balloons.

   

It was her first birthday in Heaven.

Almost a year ago now, my sweet friend went to be with Jesus. I haven’t been able to blog about her life’s impact on my life until now. Truthfully, I was impacted more by Preethi’s death than her life.

This post is very personal and precious to me and I have hesitated to share it, but it’s part of my story now and I pray God will be glorified through it.

Dad was diagnosed in January and that Spring Preethi was also diagnosed. A small, but mighty, crew of us started getting together weekly to pray for them. Some of those prayer times were the BEST prayer meetings I have ever been to.  And as someone who LOVES to pray, I have been to a lot of prayer meetings. My life was changed by praying with those women.

Changed.

In addition to Dad and Preethi, we also prayed for a precious little one still in his mama’s tummy who didn’t have any kidneys. We tackled those 3 “death sentences” with all the faith we could muster and that summer, sweet baby boy was healed! Where there had been no kidneys, there were 2 healthy kidneys. He was going to live. He could be born. Let that sink in. And then give praise to God.

We were encouraged.

Dad was encouraged.

Then he began to decline.

So we ramped up our prayers.

Dad died in September and I needed to take a break from hosting those prayer times.

When Preethi’s health began to decline the following Spring, we began meeting again.  

This time something was different. Something had changed. It was like going from black and white to color. There was an intensity to our prayers I hadn’t experienced before. There were less of our words and more of the Spirit. God was taking us deeper into the battle, behind enemy lines, and we were coming back with victory. Each of us was hearing the same thing from God, again and again; we were so amped up all we could do was to dance and worship b/c victory was ours!!! We knew she would be healed, we knew He had done it on the cross.  

I didn’t actually know Preethi very well before she got sick, but in praying for her, I felt I knew her. There’s something about praying for one another that births an intimacy of relationship. It was a gift and truly my honor to seek Heaven on her behalf.

The Friday evening of Father’s Day weekend, my 1^st Father’s Day without my beloved Dad, Preethi went to be with Jesus. I remember where I was standing in our kitchen when I got the news.

This time it was personal. When Dad died, I was, and still am, completely heartbroken. But when Preethi died, I was just pissed. It was personal this time. It was a loss that seemed to come at a higher cost. That’s how it felt to me. Preethi left a husband and 3 sweet little boys behind. Like I said, personal.

And you know what? It should be personal. We are losing too many dads, moms, little ones, and friends before their time. I want it to feel personal every single time. I want it to feel like my heart is shattering b/c what’s happening matters.  

At Preethi’s funeral, our little prayer crew sat together, “pooling” our faith. We were going to pray for a miracle until our precious friend was buried deep in the ground. We were soldiers and though the battle seemed over, we weren’t giving up yet. I spent the service going back and forth between weeping in grief and pulling myself together, reminding myself that miracles like this still happen!  

Our prayer group met one last time after her funeral to process and pray together. We seemed to have a special bond, like soldiers from the same platoon (or something…) that had experienced the battle in the same way. We needed one another to process the loss. I needed them.

My biggest take away from that time together was said by a friend: “We did more damage to hell than hell did to Preethi.”

To that I say yes and amen. Her life was taken, but she has eternal life now. As we prayed for her, and for Dad, and for baby boy, we stepped just a little more deeply into the Kingdom of God, we understand just a little bit more now of how to pray. And therefore, we will be better equipped to pray next time.

I don’t have any answers. I know what has helped me to understand better these past few years; what has gotten me through some of the grief. I have also been forced into that place of seeking out peace for things I don’t understand surrounding the loss of a loved one. I wouldn’t wish that for anyone.

Once again, I’ll sign off with 2 things I know: God is enough, and I will never regret getting into the trenches and fighting, in faith, for my friend.

Happy Birthday, Preethi

My sweet friend, rockin' her new wig. Man, she was an all star!
So thankful our paths crossed, even for just a few years. xoxo

Some tunage for your Tuesday

Hope you had a great Memorial Day weekend. So nice to have an extra day to be together as a family. :)

Even though the weather was crummy, we packed in the fun this weekend with 2 barbecues, planting our garden, a bonfire, a trip to the zoo, a family nap (even mom and dad!) and a pizza and movie night. On Monday I even made an all American meal, which is quite unusual for me, with grilled marinated chicken, homemade mashed potatoes, green beans, biscuits and cupcakes for dessert. The boys gobbled it up, all four of them!

Now for the tunage. This song is fairly new to me, but I am loving it this month. Be blessed.

Favorite Quote Friday

So last week, rather than giving you a nugget from my fave devo, I quoted a dear friend of mine for the weekly installment of FQF. My sweet friend, Truth Talker, is always giving me great material :)

As a side, my Beth Moore James study, Mercy Triumphs, has "FQF" written on pretty much every page, I have barely scratched the surface. For a girl (me) who doesn't really care for studies (nope), glory, how I have loved that one. I love me some Jimmy James.

All that to say I am going to start a new series for FQF, where I just quote the rad stuff my rad friends say. If you are reading between the lines, this is your chance. Your chance to make into the hall of 'Seed' fame. HA! For real though, say something awesome to me and I will def quote you. Totes.

This week's is from quite a few years ago, during the time when we were fundraising for our ministry in Africa.

When some good friends of ours shared with us that they would be partnering with us financially, they told us that they wanted to be

"People who give sacrificially, who give into 

the Kingdom of God until it hurts."

They wanted to feel the "burn" of giving. We were so humbled by this sacrifice of theirs. So blessed to receive from them and this has stuck with me for years. I was and continue to be so challenged by this.

Its a favorite.

Happy Friday.

a post "Adoption" post.

I am loving the responses and especially the emails from last week's post on adoption! Keep 'em coming, so many of you have such valuable perspectives and experiences to share; I love the privilege of dialoging with you about this! I am late to this party and devouring all you have to say.

So, we all know that there's a risk that comes with wearing your heart on your sleeve. I myself have always been a big fan of "over sharing." I don't mind putting myself out there. I guess that's obvious...since I blog. That said, I am very, very, deeply, seriously, shy. I swear it. Just ask Tim.

On second thought, don't.

In High School, I pushed my shyness aside and put myself out there by asking the boy to prom, after college, I recruited recruited recruited until I had enough people to form a small tribe of faithful soldiers to go into the shelters with me every Friday night. After that, I may or may not have gone on a blind date just for the "practice," but you'll have to ask Tim about that one.

On second thought, don't do that either.

In my current season of life, I put myself out there on my blog. And for every person that reads my blog, there's a difference response or opinion, whether its shared with me or not. From my estimation, after last week's post and the responses I've received, some people, family members even, think Tim and I are at best ridiculously naive and at worst completely foolish and crazy.

Both may be true, although I'm pretty sure we're only crazy in a good way. Then again, I may be crazy :)

Tim and I are keenly aware of the fact that we don't know anything about adoption. We'll learn. We see our challenge in this as being willing and completely submitted to God and to trust His timing.

Good thing is we're ok with people thinking we're crazy. Its happened to us before :)  People thought we were nuts when we didn't go to Senegal. Some probably still think we're flighty. Obedient is our objective and we don't take that lightly. He called us to stay, as much as that still pains us, and our deepest desire as we wrestle with adoption is to be obedient to God once again. Even if it seems cra-cra.

What we do know is 2 fold: God loves adoption, He adopted us. And our family isn't complete yet. I can't help but wonder if the two are related. Cheers.

Look, incomplete! Pretty sure that's why the boys are unhappy, they want another sibling(s)  :)

Manic Make-over Monday

They're done, they're finally done! And here, for your viewing pleasure...the big reveal.

my newly painted cabinets!

I am pretty sure our cabinets are about 100 years old and they looked it. I have always heard that the best way to give your kitchen an inexpensive make-over is by painting the cabinets. Well, that sounded like a big project to me. Tim and I are not big into the DIY projects, repairing and restoring a fixer-upper is NOT our idea of a good time. But we do strive to be good stewards of our home and if we can increase functionality or aesthetics both easily and inexpensively, then we're all in!

Here's a before pic, doors are already off, but gives you a feel for
their "natural beauty."

My awesome crew. Always amazes me what even a small "army" of moms can accomplish!
So thankful for all their hard work, and for teaching me how to do this.

Here's a closer look at the hardware we chose. I really like it, but it was a little tedious to get on and we had to special order the hinges. Apparently no one makes black hinges and only 1 store could even order them. That's ok, I was willing to wait. :)  We have a cool, vintage style black kitchen table and I really wanted black hardware. We finished the cabinets in less than 2 days, but then it took another month to finish the hardware, touch-ups, etc. We're on twin-time!

Couple more pictures of our kitchen cabinets and their much needed make-over!

We're really happy with how everything turned out and it wasn't as challenging of a project as we thought it would be. If I had my druthers, I would pick a really bright color like turquoise for the cabinets, but I had already painted the walls blue and didn't want to repaint so I will happily "settle" for cream. Definitely brightens up our small kitchen!

We were so thankful for the fantastic coaches helping us along. Tim took 2 days off work to watch all the pre-schoolers downstairs (what a guy!) and us moms went to work! Another friend from our mom's group even brought us lunch. Such a sweet group of ladies I have had to pleasure to meet with every week for the past 4 years. We actually finished before lunchtime on the second day, which I thought was pretty amazing. 

And....we even saved a little moolah by using up some of our stash of "duplex" paint. Hazzah! 

Favorite Quote Friday

I recently heard this from my amazing friend, the Truth Talker, and I believe she heard it at a conference, or maybe from a podcast....Either way, its not new, but new to me and although I mentioned it in yesterday's post, it bears repeating.

There is no joy quite like the joy of being a part of 

the rescue and ransom of a child.

If you're not challenged by this, then I think you may be asleep! 

Happy Friday

Adoption

I'm not a very spontaneous person. I don't like surprises and I like to plan. I like to be prepared. I've always been a planner, but after having 3 little boys in 2 years time, planning has become a survival skill for me!

That said, I am beginning to see a new pattern emerging in my life. I'm beginning to like the thrill of a quick and surprising decision. For instance, bangs. I was hanging with a friend and spontaneously decided to let her cut bangs. I had been ruminating on the idea, but hadn't even looked at any pictures on Pinterest. (As if that's the ultimate test of intention...) I haven't had bangs in almost 20 years, but I really like how they turned out. "Rash" decision that seems to have paid off.

On a more meaningful plane, when it comes to the introduction of a new idea into my heart, like being ready to start a family, for instance, once I'm "ready," I'm really, really ready. In a moment, God changed my heart about wanting children, He stilled my long list of fears and renewed my hope and then BAM! I was ready to start a family. Well, about 10 months later, Jackson was born. Many times during that pregnancy I worried that I had made a rash decision and that it wasn't going to go so well, that my circumstances were not going to be compatible with a baby. God is faithful. His timing is perfect, and He brought tremendous physical healing to me and my "circumstances" were provided for. Still are. 3 little boys later :) Another "rash" decision has paid off big time.

So, other than bangs, the idea that is making itself at home in my heart is adoption. We always figured we would grow our family through adoption, but then life happened and we kinda forgot about it. I know that sounds truly terrible, but I'm just being honest.

We didn't end up joining our team in West Africa, then we had twins, then Dad died, then we got busy, then we got tired. Then life felt really hard. Then we felt like there was no way we had enough energy for adoption. Or money for that matter. Then we decided (not prayed about, decided) adoption wasn't for us. Decided we aren't called to that. The end.

Then I started sharing my heart with a dear friend and being really honest with her about how I was feeling about adoption, even the embarrassing stuff. Her response was to graciously stick it to me. She hit me between the eyes with TRUTH. I knew she would and it was really hard to heard, but I needed it. It got the ball rolling and it woke me up. I have been slumbering in the cozy blankets of status quo and the time has come. I am waist deep in my own thoughts and I know nothing of adoption, but I can't seem to shake this pervasive feeling that I must go deeper, must press in to what God is doing here. So even though this is all so fresh and new and I'm nowhere close to wrapping my mind around it, I'm blogging b/c it feels so much bigger than me, so much more important than just my own personal experience. It feels spontaneous, which is scary to me, but so very raw and real and if there anything I try to be, its authentic.

So here you go.

I once heard John Piper say (in relation to missions) that there are 3 kinds of Christians: the go-ers, the senders, and the disobedient. To say that I love that is like saying my husband kinda of likes superhero movies. Doesn't begin to do it justice.

I'm thinking out loud here, but the thing I can't seem to get out of my head this "radical" idea that this same type of philosophy applies to adoption too. That maybe there's another category for the 3 kinds of Christians: those who adopt, those who actively provide support for those who adopt, and the disobedient.

Are you still with me? Let that settle in. I know I need to.

For last past year, I have been studying the book of James and I can't get enough of him! Here is a man who shared a roof with Christ, his very own brother and he lays it out pretty plainly in James 1:27  Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

I don't think it's a hard jump to assume that we are all meant to wrestle with the idea of adoption and find our place within it. Do we adopt or do we play an active role in supporting a family that does? How can we make our families available for the ransom and rescue of a child?

I don't know where you're at in this journey of contemplation, I don't know what these words stir up in you,  but I'm excited about what God is doing in my heart and I'm ready to be spontaneous, to throw my plan away and be swept up in His. Its scary, but there's no better way.

Get out your leotards, folks, looks like its time to wrestle.

Favorite Quote Friday

I was blessed with a brief, but lovely moment to sit down by myself the other afternoon, and I read from my favorite devotional, Streams in the Desert.

I know I've said it before, but I love that little blue book. I seemed particularly prone to underlining that day, but I found myself especially engaged by this:

Comfort is not given to us when we are lighthearted and

cheerful. We must travel the depths of emotion in order to experience

comfort - one of God's most precious gifts.

And then we must be prepared to become coworkers with Him.

I have certainly found this to be true in my life. 

I'm confident that I have even run from God's comfort at times b/c of this knowledge: once the fragments have settled, and the comfort has soaked in, there indeed, lies an invitation. Often, a challenging one. An "impossible" one.

Needless to say, but I will say it anyway, an excellent and timely reminder.

Have a great weekend. 

Breaking the Silence

Its been almost a month since my last post, eek!

I blame the children.

And also my weariness. For which I also blame the children.  :)

As usual, life has been crazy and sometimes there's just no time to blog. Or rather, I just don't make time to blog.

Priorities people. We all have them, what are yours?

I digress...

We've been working on a few house projects, pictures to come. Or the "unveiling" if you will. Do you like my new DIY blogger lingo?  :P  If you've learned anything about me from my blog, don't hold your breathe for the pics of anything. Our house has become one of "those" homes. You know the type, where every single room has a rather obvious half done project that was abandoned in the 11th hour b/c something else needed to be worked on. A few missing pieces of hardware here, a extra coat of paint missing here, a broken pane of glass all over the floor there.....I did actually clean that one up right away. Lucky for T-Bone, I had a spare in the laundry room or mama would have been quite sad about that one.

My littles were playing swords (or something else violent) with the brooms and mops in the hallway and knocked a picture off the wall with disastrous results. Guess T-Bone thought Beck outshined him in that one.

If you live in MN, then you share our joy of the beautiful, finally-arrived, spring-ish weather we are enjoying. I love being able to send the boys outside, even if it means the come back in with all the dirt they could find and spread it around my house in 3 seconds flat. Small price.

Well, that's about it, just a few of my thoughts for the day.

I'm feeling a small spurt of bloggy-ness this week so stay tuned for a new Favorite Quote Friday tomorrow as well!

Blessings on your Thursday.