That said, I am beginning to see a new pattern emerging in my life. I'm beginning to like the thrill of a quick and surprising decision. For instance, bangs. I was hanging with a friend and spontaneously decided to let her cut bangs. I had been ruminating on the idea, but hadn't even looked at any pictures on Pinterest. (As if that's the ultimate test of intention...) I haven't had bangs in almost 20 years, but I really like how they turned out. "Rash" decision that seems to have paid off.
On a more meaningful plane, when it comes to the introduction of a new idea into my heart, like being ready to start a family, for instance, once I'm "ready," I'm really, really ready. In a moment, God changed my heart about wanting children, He stilled my long list of fears and renewed my hope and then BAM! I was ready to start a family. Well, about 10 months later, Jackson was born. Many times during that pregnancy I worried that I had made a rash decision and that it wasn't going to go so well, that my circumstances were not going to be compatible with a baby. God is faithful. His timing is perfect, and He brought tremendous physical healing to me and my "circumstances" were provided for. Still are. 3 little boys later :) Another "rash" decision has paid off big time.
So, other than bangs, the idea that is making itself at home in my heart is adoption. We always figured we would grow our family through adoption, but then life happened and we kinda forgot about it. I know that sounds truly terrible, but I'm just being honest.
We didn't end up joining our team in West Africa, then we had twins, then Dad died, then we got busy, then we got tired. Then life felt really hard. Then we felt like there was no way we had enough energy for adoption. Or money for that matter. Then we decided (not prayed about, decided) adoption wasn't for us. Decided we aren't called to that. The end.
Then I started sharing my heart with a dear friend and being really honest with her about how I was feeling about adoption, even the embarrassing stuff. Her response was to graciously stick it to me. She hit me between the eyes with TRUTH. I knew she would and it was really hard to heard, but I needed it. It got the ball rolling and it woke me up. I have been slumbering in the cozy blankets of status quo and the time has come. I am waist deep in my own thoughts and I know nothing of adoption, but I can't seem to shake this pervasive feeling that I must go deeper, must press in to what God is doing here. So even though this is all so fresh and new and I'm nowhere close to wrapping my mind around it, I'm blogging b/c it feels so much bigger than me, so much more important than just my own personal experience. It feels spontaneous, which is scary to me, but so very raw and real and if there anything I try to be, its authentic.
So here you go.
I once heard John Piper say (in relation to missions) that there are 3 kinds of Christians: the go-ers, the senders, and the disobedient. To say that I love that is like saying my husband kinda of likes superhero movies. Doesn't begin to do it justice.
I'm thinking out loud here, but the thing I can't seem to get out of my head this "radical" idea that this same type of philosophy applies to adoption too. That maybe there's another category for the 3 kinds of Christians: those who adopt, those who actively provide support for those who adopt, and the disobedient.
Are you still with me? Let that settle in. I know I need to.
For last past year, I have been studying the book of James and I can't get enough of him! Here is a man who shared a roof with Christ, his very own brother and he lays it out pretty plainly in James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
I don't think it's a hard jump to assume that we are all meant to wrestle with the idea of adoption and find our place within it. Do we adopt or do we play an active role in supporting a family that does? How can we make our families available for the ransom and rescue of a child?
I don't know where you're at in this journey of contemplation, I don't know what these words stir up in you, but I'm excited about what God is doing in my heart and I'm ready to be spontaneous, to throw my plan away and be swept up in His. Its scary, but there's no better way.
Get out your leotards, folks, looks like its time to wrestle.
To say that I LOVE this post just wouldn't do it justice! The rescue of a child is the BEST feeling in the whole wide world...even if you do have no clue how that is going to look tomorrow. It will come...it will come. :-)
ReplyDelete~Sarah
Being on the post-adoption end of things, I think everyone should consider adoption, but not everyone should adopt. If God leads your heart to add to your family this way, trust Him and take the steps forward. It may be the most joyful thing you have ever done or the most difficult. I think of Luke 14 where Jesus talks about following Him, "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won't you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?" Many people pursue adoption to rescue and help a child. They have dreams and expectations for their child and family that are unrealistic. When they are dashed by reality, it is good to have the confidence that God called you to adoption. Understanding the best and worst case scenarios before adopting ensures that "you have enough to complete it." A call and a count of the cost helps you go on in love with faith as you lay down your life (and the other members of your family) for a child who needs a family. I'll be in prayer as you wrestle.
ReplyDeleteI agree completely, Melissa! Not everyone should adopt, not everyone can, but I do think that everyone who follows Christ should be willing to wrestle with it and and hear from God what their part to play is. There are so many great ways to actively support those who adopt if you aren't called to that. I do think that many of us use not being "called" to adoption as an excuse b/c we aren't willing to consider the cost. As with anything, we need to seek God, to expect an answer, and when we get one, to be obedient. Thanks for your prayers, you are such an inspiration to us and we love you both. I would love to dialogue with you more.... :)
DeleteHeidi-- You have some wise friends that I completely agree with. We will continue to pray for you as you seek out God's will for you in this. It is not always an easy journey and sometimes it's downright hard but knowing that you are following God's will makes it easier and it also a joy to reflect what God has done for us. I love my three kiddos who cam to our family through adoption as well as our Minnesotan. They each have a heart that belongs to them inside of me.
ReplyDeletethanks Ruth :)
DeleteWhile you are working through what God is trying to say to you about adoption, you might think about fostering. We were at the "we think we might be supposed to adopt child #2" and we signed up to foster parent to help us think through the mechanics. It was great training, interesting interaction, and a great chance to bless kids and families in crisis.
ReplyDeleteWe are completely open to fostering, have a few friends who do and have done that. We want to be totally available to God for whatever He wants our family to do. Sky's the limit with God!
DeleteIf you are prone to overcommit like we are, the fostering piece is helpful because there is a natural cycle to each placement and you can exit gracefully. In our case it turned out that we were ready for another child and we ended up with our sweet Emily in the natural way. No regrets from the fostering experience.
DeleteWe are a little less prone to overcommittment since the twins, but it certainly still happens. Its fun to hear your stories now, so many years later! Maybe you need to plan a trip to MN the next your folks are swinging through :)
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