Eat your spaghetti, not your children.

Pretty sure I am not a natural mother. I mean, obviously I am a mom and I think I do alright at that job, but I'm not one of those girls who always wanted to be a mom. Who know the type, the one who swims in the refreshing pool of motherhood bliss every day. The ones who make it look easy. Or the ones who just love it  so much that nothing else matters.

Nothing about mothering, except loving my boys, comes naturally to me. I have to work at it.

For example, I love to cook. Love it. But having to make dinner every night for picky eaters and a starving husband is not where I find my joy these days.

I have to work every day at not being so selfish, at putting my boys ahead of myself. I have to remind myself constantly that its better to read a book for the hundredth time than to surf Pinterest. That spaghetti (again) is better than spicy vegetable curry if that's what they'll eat.

Pass the garlic bread. At least its homemade and whole wheat.

Maybe I shouldn't need to remind myself of these things, but I do.

Nothing has worked to sanctify me like the raising of my littles. Its takes a lot of Jesus for me to be a good mom.

I am thankful for the sanctification process b/c I want my boys to be drawn to Jesus and the more I am like Him, hopefully the more that will happen.

I am also not one of those mom's who is drawn to other people's kids. Though I did make my first cool million babysitting and working as a nanny, since hitting college, I stopped being the person who seeks out the kiddos.

Don't worry, I'm not talking about your kids, yours I love.

Its hers I merely tolerate.

I do, of course, adore my own. Duh. Have you seen how cute they are?

In fact, some days I am so overcome by their cuteness that I actually worry that I might eat one of them. Straight up.

yum, yum, yum

I think the fact that I want four kids (someday) is a sign of God's miraculous power within me. Because I'm not Michelle Dugger, and my natural desire is not to live for my children. (Not that hers is, but she certainly has a gift of mothering.) 

I have my own dreams and desires that don't necessarily include my boys and I am excited about those things! But I am also willing to wait and trust God for His timing of those things. I can tell you, that in and of itself, is sanctifying as well. 

So here's to believing God that I really CAN have it all and to believing that He can make an AWESOME mother out of me yet!  

(No, I am not prego, in case you were confused.)