There's Something About Mondays

Can't put my finger on it yet, but there is something about Mondays that brings to the surface my grief over losing Dad.  Last week I was so overcome with sadness that I cried myself to sleep.  At 8:15pm.  Put the babes to bed and followed suit.

I have heard that the pain of losing a loved one never truly goes away and that grief can rear its head at the most surprising, and often inopportune, moments.  Something triggers a memory and you end up in a puddle on the floor.  I think I'm ok with that.  My dad was one of my favorite people and I want my life to be marked by his life's impression on my heart, even if that means tears and snot while I'm in line at Target.  Life goes on, and so must we.  But its ok to let it hurt while it hurts.

Today  my trigger was Isaiah 58:6-11.  Dad loved that scripture.  Well, he loved all scripture, but I know he spent a lot of time meditating on that one.  As I read through this text during naptime, it opened up the floodgates, but also blanketed me in encouragement.

The Lord will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land 

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden, 

like a spring whose waters never fail.

My frame doesn't feel particularly strong today and if I were a garden I would likely be described as a dehydrated one that needs to work out.  But God says He will strengthen me and I shall be like a spring whose waters never fail.  To this I say, yes and amen, I receive it.

Happy Monday, may you be a well-watered garden on this sticky afternoon.

You CAN have it all!

There are those moments in life when everything is perfect.  You are in your rhythm and you are rocking it.  You feel like supermom!  The entire house is (relatively) clean, the children are napping, dishes are done, laundry folded, dinner's in the crockpot and you got to brush your teeth as well as work out!!!  gasp.


It's in these moments when I feel like all my amazing skills are truly being utilized as a mama.  If the hubs could see me now, I smugly think to myself.


Ah, yes, those rare, fleeting, enigmatic moments of utter bliss....


Ignorance is bliss, they say.


I don't know who "they" are, but they're smart.


In my house, these perfect moments are typically short lived.  As soon as I survey my estate with satisfaction and sit down with my Bible and steaming cup of re-heated morning coffee, we change scenes.  Urine soaked toddler enters, stage left.  Crying poopy baby heard from stage right.  Oh wait, two crying poopy babies from stage right because the first one woke the second one with his wails.


The vivid color photograph of my mad-hot skills quickly fades to an old sepia tone picture with broken edges.


Sigh.


I am learning that that's just life.  Life is messy, especially with children.  Life is noisy, especially with boys.  And life is tainted with pride, especially with me.


I can't do it all.  Not all the time.  Not on my own.


I came back from She Speaks so excited about all I had learned and all I had heard from God and ready to start writing with a new-found sense of direction!


Well, as real as SS was, my real life was real-er...I hit the ground running and my sweet littles have kept me sprinting and that's ok because about a year ago God gave me a new motto:  You CAN have it all.  Pretty simpe, right?  If you are lol right now and moving your cursor to close this window, hold on!


Just wait!


There's more!


Somehow, some way, by the divine, miraculous grace of God, you can have it all.  You can be a great wife, mother, friend, sister, minister and child of God.  You can have it all (emphasis on the miraculous grace of God).  This past year, God persisted in repeating this over and over to me.  It took some time before it  began to soak in; I'm not always the most receptive to new ideas.  Although I have yet to see this realized in my life, I have received this goal, this dream, this motto, because I know HIM to be faithful and steadfast.


Personally, I think that God likes a paradox and in keeping with that, this word always came to me at my weakest moments.  It was usually right after a new bubble of pride had just been dramatically burst and the green slime got all over my already dirty yoga pants.  As I lay in that greasy puddle of my own pride, the reality of my not-so-mad-hot skills sinking in, my precious Redeemer reminded me that will His help, all things are possible.  I can have it all.  As long as I remember the most important part:  by his grace.


My hope is that you are saying 'Me too, I want to have it all too!'  My prayer is that together we can embark on this journey of believing God for more, of dreaming big together.  My desire is to share with you what this looks like in my life as I begin to unpack it, little by little.  My vote is that we begin believing for the impossible in our marriages, our children, our churches and ourselves.  I don't know what it looks like.  I know that I sure need a lot more JESUS to do my jobs well.  A lot.  And more time...we'll see about that last one...


I am willing to believe for more and I hope you are too.  So let's learn together and share our stories!


Be blessed this weekend and dream BIG!

free stuff!

I don't know about you, but I LOVE free stuff.  Free stuff makes almost anything better.  So I've decided that once I get to 50 followers, I am going to start doing monthly give-aways.  'Cuz who doesn't like a give-away?  

I'm going to give away a lil' somethin' on the 20th of each month.  Dad went home to glory on September 20th and when that day rolls around each month, its always hard.  So this way, I have something fun to look forward to and so do you!

So sign up to be a follower and maybe you will be the first winner.  Tell your friends and let's get this party started!

Free stuff, here we come!

Lipstick, sweet tea, and hazing

I barely made it home from the South!  Well, maybe that's a little dramatic.  I almost got bumped from my flight because the Delta computers mysteriously canceled my seat reservation between the time I checked in the night before and when I tried to board the plane.  Lucky for me, someone on board was willing to accept a free flight voucher for waiting until the next flight to Mpls.  I needed to get home to my men!

I think I love the South.  It's all sweet tea, lipstick, high heels, lovely women and new friends.  Oh, and spectacular conferences.  That was certainly my experience this weekend.

Normally I would say that there are no words to describe how amazing She Speaks was.  But...since it was a conference on speaking and writing, it's a bit ridiculous to leave it at that.  It was a two-for.  A two for one.  Two conferences for the price of one.  Not only was it a well-oiled machine working to teach us the crafts of speaking and writing, but it was a 'knock it out of the park' women's conference.  I admit that I have never been to a women's conference before (that I can remember), but when indeed I do attend one, it shall have rather large high heels to fill.

The only bittersweet strand woven through this experience is that I don't get to share all that I learned and heard with my dad.  He was the 2nd person I told about this conference 2+ years ago and he was excited for me from the get-go.  He prayed for me, listening with me and stood with me as I saw the light transition from a question  mark to a green.  Miss you, dad, but I know you are proud!  

My sweet Timo gets a boisterous shout-out for all he did to make this weekend a possibility.  I won't get into the (literally) gory details about what transpired while I was gone, but I leave you with this.  My children hazed my husband in my absence.

Let that settle in.

They hazed him.

Like in a fraternity.

Seriously.  His bald(ing) spot is bigger and we both went to bed at 8:15 last night.  8:15 people.  Yawn.

Everyone survived and things are back to a new normal.  It's good to be home!

Mondays and peanut butter toast

It's a Monday and I'll cry if I want to, 

cry if I want to, cry if I want to.  

You would cry too if twins happened to-oo you!

I'm not crying, but I am covered in peanut butter.  And missing our house guest already.  She was only here 2 weeks, but left a gaping hole. While I literally got nothing done while she was here, it was wonderful to have the fellowship.  Motherhood can be a lonely road at times and there is always a long list of things that truly must be done. Sometimes its vital to set aside that list, make another pot of coffee and sit outside with a dear friend and talk for a couple hours while the littles sleep.  And we did.  We also spent a few hours trying on clothes.  I miss having a female roomate!  Tim doesn't get the same thrill trying on different outfits....

On a different note, there is something about Mondays that really makes me miss my dad.  

I don't know what it is, but I am always very aware of his absence in my life on Mondays.

Wow, do I miss him.  So hug your dad today.  Or call him.  Even if you don't know what to say, 

give him a call say hello.  Better yet, pray for your dad today. 

Only 4 days until I leave for N. Carolina and I am pumped (and nervous).

I am officially done with trying to be prepared for this conference.  Don't think its gonna happen.  Too much life going on these days.  And that's ok.  Babies, weddings, toddlers, friends, life is full.  Will try to squeeze in some time for article revision......hopefully.  But God will do what God will do and my main priority is to be ready to receive whatever He has for me this weekend!  Hope I remember how to wear heels and eyeliner....its been a while.

Blessing to you this Monday.  Hope you're not crying :)

blessed

As some of you may know, I have a pretty amazing husband.  From the very beginning, I have always known how he feels about me.  And I have never doubted it.  I needed for there to be zero drama in our relationship, that's part of how I knew he was the one.  There were many, many reasons, that was but one.  

I don't really like drama.  It has always seemed unnecessary to me.  And now, why do I need extra drama when I already have 3 toddlers?  Oh yeah, I don't.  

So keep your drama and stop hitting your brother with that drumstick.  

And where are your pants?!  

Me and my love.  My drama-free (for the most part :) love

PS - I want to come up with a nickname for the hubs for this blog.  Suggestions are welcome.

Another reason I love my blonde sensation is for the way he supports my dreams.  This is truly saying something because sometimes the things I think up are a little crazy.  Like my friend Beth says, "we like crazy around here."  Oh boy, do we ever.

 So along the lines of the good side of crazy, I am going to a women's conference in N. Carolina next week. I am super excited and very nervous.  But hey, my spectacular friend Karyn came over and did my nails today and I am officially "more ready" to mingle with some southern belles.  Gulp.  I am a norther girl through and through.  Double gulp.  

Check me out.  Never had a flower on a toenail before.  I am way too frugal to ever pay for that.  But I could get used to this.  

More to come on the conference in the next week before I head out.  It's called She Speaks and essentially is a conference for women in ministry with a writing/speaking focus.  

http://shespeaksconference.com/

thankful

So my new goal is to blog at least 3 times a week.  That seems reasonable right?  Mostly it seems overwhelming with 3 toddlers, a rental property, a revolving door for summer house guests (which we love!!!) and a husband, but where there's a will, there's a way.  Right?

Bueller....Beuller?

Maybe I should write a reminder to blog on my hand, surely I will see it there among the peanut butter smears and whatever else that is.  Wait, is that chocolate or poop?  Chocolate or poop?  (Lick)  Chocolate! Two points for you if you can name that movie.

Two points won't buy you anything on this website site but it will get you access to two things I am thankful for this week.  Old friends and thrifting.

We'll start with old friends.  There's nothing quite like being reunited with a friend you haven't seen for a while who comes back to visit.  History is important.  We all like to feel known and remembered.  And old friends knew you way back, they remember the crazy stuff you did together, maybe they even still make fun of you for it, but even that feels good.

It's good to have people.  People who've got your back.  People who love your kids - so great.  People who support your dreams and encourage you to dream bigger.  It's good.  Its also good when those people help you dress better.  Sometimes when you have 3 little kids and you never leave the house b/c your hair is always dirty and you have forgotten life outside of trips to the park and Costco (to buy giant boxes of diapers), you lose sight of what looks nice when it comes to clothes.  I am not saying that this happened to me of course.  Never.  Others.  It happens to others.  And when it happens to others, i just hope they have old (stylish) friends to help them.

This is where thrifting comes in.  I am thankful for cute stuff from the thriftstore.  In the 3 times that I have been to a thrift store since the twins were born I scored big.  Everything was on sale, everything fit (amazing!) and everything was cute.  That's all.  Thankful.

A place my very own

Hello blog-o-sphere!

I decided that it was time to branch away from my blog with Tim and start my very own.  If I want to get serious about my writing, then now is as good a time as any, right?  I will still be blogging on The Chase  www.chaseus.blogspot.com from time to time.  We'll still use that as a record of our life and to keep family updated in pictures of the boys.  :)   But this blog will be a little more focused....maybe!  Who knows what will end up on here, I sure don't.

Me.  I will be here.  Such as I am, I will be here.  Writing and questioning, challenging and encouraging.

My hope is for it to be a real and authentic place to navigate life's waters.  A place of therapeutic release for me and hopefully encouragement for you.  It will be raw at times, cheesy at others, and probably everything in between.  I hope you'll follow me in this journey.  I feel confident there are good things ahead for all of us!

Peace out friends.